Just over 2 weeks (already?!)

I must be a big baby because compared to everyone else's perky posts that I read ... I feel like this whole process has been super tough! Laura's blogs have helped me to be able to put words to the things I've been experiencing. I've been taking care of myself since just after a week and I feel like no one else understands. But I was happy to read that she had also been experiencing that burning/bee sting type feeling in her lips. I was concerned that I wasn't feeling more tingling and that it meant I wasn't healing well or something. My lips and chin and a lot of my right side are still totally numb! After 2 weeks! I'm just concerned because I have to go back to work in a week. Am I going to be able to converse with clients without my face looking awkward? These black eyes are STUBBORN too. At least they distract from my lips and swollen cheeks when I go out. People keep looking at James weird ... like he hits me or something! Now that I'm less numb I can feel the stitches pulling when I smile or talk - it sucks. The ortho said he can remove them this Thursday at my 3-week check up. He's also going to take an x-ray and then hopefully I can switch to "soft" foods. Just today I started putting Traumeel on my eyes for the bruising - hope it helps. I've been doing that externally and also taking the oral homeopathic. I've only done moist heat once ... does this really help? Maybe I should do it more because today my jaw was SO MUCH TIGHTER than before. What is that all about? I know I can't really complain in comparison ... after all I'm not even banded shut, but man am I anxious to "move on" already. When I look in the mirror I don't look as swollen as I "feel." I've been trying so much harder to not talk since I'm supposed to take that easy until next check up. And when will I be able to smile again?

8 Days Post-Op

Today is 8 days after I had a Leforte I Osteotomy, Bilateral Sagittal Split Osteotomy and Chin Osteotomy to treat my "open bite." The feeling in my face is coming back SLOWLY but surely in a top-down pattern, with my chin still being the most numb. Makes for inevitable dribbles down it whenever I eat and for some reason nobody seems to mention it. I have to find out when I get to the mirror. I don't know why I didn't think more about the numb factor before surgery. I just kept thinking I would be swollen and sore, but almost forgot that I'd be numb too. That itself is an interesting experience. Blessing in disguise as I imagine my gums and face would hurt even more if they had feeling! As my nerves come back to life I notice the pain is like a dull headache, but in my jaw. My 2 day depression has lifted. I slept more last night than any other so far. Its good to sleep longer, but what usually happens is I end up ON my face and not elevated, so I'm extra swollen when I get up. I am still not able to breathe through my right nostril so I get a bit of a dry throat at night too. Overall everything on the right is a bit more numb and swollen and I'm giving credit to my cheek bone procedure on that side (doctor used extra bone to cover over an old, improperly healed fracture). As far as how I look ... really hard to say, but I don't doubt for a second that I am going to be happy with the results when I can see them. My nose looks wider from the front because of swelling and I look forward to that subsiding. My profile already looks better, less harsh. I feel like I look overweight from the side though because my throat and chin are still swollen, but sure that will go away too. My days are consumed by food preparation and teeth cleaning. People keep asking if I've watched a lot of movies. But I've only seen 1 1/2 so far. I really don't have as much time as you'd think because I spend so much time making food, blending it, syringing it, washing the blender, tending to mouth cleaning, icing etc. and then starting over!! I've been trying to go out for walks though. With a hat and my head down. I've worn my huge Hollywood sunglasses to get Starbucks, but they actually hurt my nose so I only put them on for emergencies like that. Hmmm, now I want some Starbucks. Shoot, was thinking I could kick my addiction in this process. Ah, but why deprive myself at a time like this right?!

One Week Post Surgery TODAY

To the left is DAY 2 in the hospital, above that is DAY 4 and in black DAY 5.
I've emerged momentarily. Little surprised at how emotional I feel. I think it has a lot more to do with the last year of my fight and a lifetime of anticipation. Recovery is tough! Yesterday I did too much talking and today I'm paying for it. I feel like all the swelling from the sides of my face moved forward into my nose and lips - like they might actually pop. Its a very odd feeling. I'm still numb from below my eyes down. I have two black eyes and bruising (yellowing) all over my chest from the breathing tube I had for what seemed like forever, even after surgery! I ended up staying an extra night in the hospital and getting a blood transfusion. But the surgeon did say it was one of the "best" he's done ... whatever that means, but glad to hear. It took less than 3 hours. Oddly he also said that he found that I had a facial fracture on my right cheek that hadn't healed properly. My dad doesn't know of a time when my face got broken. So the doctor somehow used bone from somewhere else and put it on the cheek (how amazing is that?!) Can't wait to actually be able to see the results. I had my first post op orthodontist appointment today and he moved the two bands to go from the bottom back molar to the 4th from the upper midline. That's it - 2 bands only and I can take them out whenever I want. Also ... my eyelashes are falling out ... is this normal?!

I'm getting surgery TOMORROW!!!!

Okay, I know I haven't blogged in a while. Forgive me; things have been a bit CRAZY lately. But to make a month long story short: I switched surgeons to Dr. S and my procedure is TOMORROW!!!! 3pm. I can't believe it. I have had to fight so hard for this that I'm not even nervous (yet). I never thought I could be so excited to have somebody cut into my face. For my "Last Supper" I had pizza and this amazing, organic, Chicken and Fuji Apple Salad and then ... Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia. Yum! Since my procedure is so late in the day tomorrow though I'm allowed to eat until 7am so I'm happy to know I can have coffee (I am completely addicted). James (see picture) is helping me pack and gave me a "Get Well" basket with all sorts of important stuff like a dry erase board, relaxing cds, neck pillow and chapstick. Everyone has been really supportive as everything came together last minute and I haven't had much time to plan for this! I'm taking 3 weeks off work and I'm excited about that. I'll have more time to blog :)

Well all - you have no idea how much your own stories have helped me along this journey already. Thank you SO much :)

"Talk" to you again soon!

Never Ending Story

So, since I have decided to take my employer's "offer" to cover 80% (of contracted charges) for my surgery I went ahead and set the date for October 27th with Dr. D (who I've been a patient of for 2 years). But then last week I went to Dr. S, who I had been waiting over a month to get in with, for a second opinion. Now I have quite the predicament as I have for sure decided to change doctors. The 2 doctors seem at this point incomparable. Dr. D had told me I would be in surgery for 11 hours for both jaws, 2 days in the hospital with the usual, dreaded wired shut forever, liquid diet, then soft foods recovery and off work 4-6 weeks. But Dr. S tells me (for the same procedures) it will take only 3 hours in surgery, 1-2 nights in the hospital and ... I will wake up WITHOUT MY JAWS WIRED SHUT! The orthodontist apparently comes to me in the hospital the next day to apply the bands and I will be back to work in 3 weeks. The longer you're under anesthesia, the more bruising and swelling, hence the vast difference in recovery time. I feel so much more confident in Dr. S. Now I have had to request that my "offer" instead include the new doctor. I'll be paying a whole lot out of pocket (and of course it would be worth it), but because he requires payment in full before the surgery ($36,000) I have to see how much my portion will be before I can know for sure if its realistic. He is available on October 25th at this point and I so badly want this over with. Next week I should have the details on the cost and therefore be able to decide if I will financially be able to do this.

Why does this story seem never ending? I'm so grateful to have found a doctor I'm much more confidant in, but now there are still all of these new "what ifs." My body and mind are tired. Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts.

I have a date!!!!!

My surgery date is set for October 27th (I can't believe it). The doctor has decided to do both jaws which means a longer surgery and tougher recovery.

I need your honesty here ... my biggest fear is not pain or swelling or bruising. I am terrified at the thought of waking up with mouth wired shut, throwing up when it has nowhere to go ... and then CHOKING.

Please tell me - have any of you had a throwing up incident? What do you do?!

My Newest Obsession

At a recent dermatologist appointment I was asked politely about my braces (how long? etc.), and I mention that I have to get jaw surgery - not really wanting to go into too much explanation, considering my current stress with it all. But immediately, and with complete confidence she tells me all about some orthodontist and doctor in Pacific Palisades that a lot of her patients' children go to ... supposed to be "the best," they have all this high-tech imaging that will show you what you will look like before and after (I have to admit I have been more than slightly influenced by Holly's experience in having such a dramatic facial change after surgery). She encouraged me to at least just go and get the imaging done, even though I already have my doctors. I don't know why (I feel like I'm a pro on the subject by now and there's nothing new you can tell me), but I went ahead and made an appointment. I went to the orthodontist and sure enough there is an entire darkened room with all 4 walls projecting facial images in 3-D. It is such up-to-date technology they can move your entire head around at every angle and essentially perform the surgery virtually before they ever touch you. (My current surgeon has only ever referred to my teeth models when showing me what he's going to do.) It felt sooooo much more professional and got me all concerned that I should have done more research on my own doctor. I only met with the orthodontist because the surgeon he works with is actually out of Standford and comes down once a month to perform the operations. But I was absolutely sold me on someone I'd never met. Dr. S is not only an Oral & Maxillofacial Surgeon, he's a Plastic Surgeon with expertise in: surgical correction and the study of growth and development of craniomaxillofacial anomalies and deformities, Histochemical Analysis of Facial Muscles, Cranial Sutural Manipulation, Stability of Mandibular and Maxillary Surgery, Growth Factors in Infant Cranial Sutures, Virtual Surgery, 3-D Biocomputation, Osteodistraction ... AND he travels to impoverished countries to perform and teach on techniques for cleft palate surgery. Oh yeah, AND he takes no longer than 3 hours to do the surgery, when the average is 6 hours for most surgeons! You can google him (this is my newest obsession) - he is top in the field. Thus enters my temptation to switch surgeons, especially considering I'm not even sure if I'm going to use insurance to cover any of the costs - in which case I'd have to stay "in-network." But the catch: he costs three times as much! Ugh. I have a consultation set up with him September 25 (next time he comes down to LA). The orthodontist office says he'd likely be able to do my surgery the following month - around the 3rd week of October. And in the meantime I'm still working out my options with my current surgeon, who now says with his schedule he couldn't do surgery until September or October either. Either way people - this is going to happen!